Sexuality & Intimacy After Having a Baby
One thing there is to know about me, I’m not really big on celebrating capitalists' holidays, never really was my thing. So while I’m not an avid believer in Valentines’ Day; I am always here for the celebration of love. I contemplated writing about this topic, because if we’re being completely honest - it’s all up in my business. Talking about love, intimacy, and sex is something almost everyone enjoys, and I figured why not embrace my narrative and all that comes with it. So here I am addressing this taboo with the hopes that it will connect with some mothers out there, who just aren’t feeling the idea of sex.
It’s almost mystical how we go from almost 9 months of growing and nurturing this beautiful being to almost 24 hours of intense unpredictable labor, to only be afraid of the act of having sex - hello, this is how we got here in the first place! I feel like we as women should really emphasize the importance of sisterhood because oftentimes we could really help one another. I can vividly count how many stories I’ve heard of new mothers feeling ashamed or guilty that sex is no longer a thing in the bedrooms. Listen, I am here to tell you this: what you are feeling is completely normal!
I personally have had my fears that I had to overcome, and I can tell you it wasn’t easy. However, with proper resources and a great support system, I was able to separate facts from fiction.
This was me for quite some time, and it was putting a hindrance on my relationship. Physical and emotional changes after your baby is born can affect both partners’ sexual desire, and I mean why wouldn’t it? After giving birth, you might feel like you’ll never have sex again.
But what is the rush? This takes time, but just like I learned for myself, be gentle and patient with yourself. Yes, you might feel confused or worried if you’re not interested in sex in the months following the birth of your baby. Your partner might even feel rejected or unwanted. But this is all normal, confusing, but still normal and you are definitely not alone. Being emotionally ready is far more important than simply jumping back into things because you feel like that’s what you’re supposed to do. I think once you’re able to tap into that mindset and have the willingness to seek advice, that’s when everything falls into place. It almost will feel like you just picked up where you left off kind of thing. Sexuality and intimacy can be expressed in many ways. Intimacy can include cuddling, hugging, kissing, and showing tenderness towards each other. This for me was a game-changer because rather than thinking the objective was to get to home base, I was able to pace myself and build on the little things that really matter.
“Think about sex as the endpoint, rather than the beginning. Start with simple things like holding hands and cuddling. Physical affection can build and lead to sex when you’re both ready.” - the Australian Parenting Website.
Talking about your feelings and trying to understand each other’s needs is the foundation of rebuilding intimacy, and this is applicable in any relationship, not just for new parents. Put in the time to build that connection, and find ways to fall in love all over again, because you’ll reap the benefits of your decision (if you know what I mean).
So Happy Valentines Day, to those that celebrate, and for those that don’t continue to celebrate and embrace love as you wholeheartedly and unapologetically tap into your sexuality and intimacy.
Love and Light,